[link]So I was strolling along fanfiction looking through the Modern Tale of Faerie series when this little "story" caught my eye. Since it was from the Valiant book, I had to check it out and either this thing is the biggest troll I have ever seen, or this kid must have missed every spelling and grammar class in her life. Yes, even Sesame Street.
So I believe the plot of this is a horrible "what-if" story, in which when Val (the heroin of the story) is fighting Mabry ("Mabel"), but instead of just fighting for Ravus' (who's name changes several times in this fic, and it's never correct) heart, if she wins the duel, HER HEART GET'S TAKEN INSTEAD, so I'm like, "What?" It gets better though, because there's a character in the book called Luis and I guess this authour needs a few more brain cells because she's calling him Luke. *facepalm*
ANYWAY, so Val wins the duel, gets "Ravous's" heart back, but in two days, she'll lose her heart and die. Brilliant. *insert not impressed face here*
So they somehow magically show up at Ravus - oh, pardon me - "Ravious's" place with no mention of transportation AT ALL. And there was some really bad dialoge in which "Luke" says that he saved him all by himself, but Revious finds out anyway and it turns out that if they got Mabel's heart, they could save Val, and when Mum saw this she said, "They're trading hearts around like they're pokemon cards!" and I'm thinking, "And probably like they're not even shiny."
But Val gets all, "Oh no dont go it's all right," and all that other stuff (seriously, there's almost no punctuation in this) and then Revious says, AND I AM NOT MAKING THIS SHIT UP, "Oh, Val, you've always wanted to die."
THE HELL?! Ravus would never say that! He freakin' loves Val! Well, I guess this "Revious" guy has different feelings. *again with the not impressed face*
So I'm thinking that this is either the biggest troll ever, or the biggest shock to fanfiction literature since "Legolas by Laura." (Only this monster managed to break into paragraphs where as Legolas by Laura just went on and on and on in a big continuous sentence basically.)
Either way, it kept me terribly entertained for ten minutes.
Also, both Valiant and Tithe are being made into movies. There's good news and bad news. The good news is that Tithe is being made by the Jim Henson Company, which is it's own company and not owned by Disney. Only the Muppets are owned by Disney. Jim Henson Company has the creature shop all to itself. And the Jim Henson company has created some of the best movies of all time. Like the Dark Crystal and Labyrinth (starring David Bowie's crotch).
The bad news however, is so bad that I freaked out and typed almost incoherent nonsense and how the world has ended and fish are flying and we're wearing hats on our feet and me and my artsy red-head friend were face-palming and face-stabbing and headdesking and screaming all over the place. Why do you ask?
Well, my friends. It turns out that Valiant, my new favorite book, it even beat out my long-time favorite The Outsiders, and it makes Twilight look like when you want to write a random thought down but all you have handy is a roll of toilet paper and a crayola at the moment....
Is being made into a movie by MTV.
OH, HELLS NO! I CAN THINK OF SO MANY REASONS WHY THIS IS BAD! LET ME MAKE A LIST!
1. They are remaking The Rocky Horror Picture show. That right there shows how sleazy they are in terms of business. To me that's like taking a stay-at-home mother of two who used to be a widley-known completely random entertainer that everybody loved and respected, and then grabbing some young hussy off the streets to mimic her, but completely water down the legend's presentation to suit to a more general audience, hoping for an easy cash grab, much to the legendary mother's dismay.
2. There's sex in Valiant. Really, there is. But it's not like Holly Black turned it into a porno for a few pages for the hell of it. She actually kept it pretty low, considering that it was a major point in the rising action. Even though in the Rocky Horror remake, MTV said that they'd take some of the sex out to make it PG-13, I'm still worried sick that they're going to screw it up and make Valiant more sexed-up than what it needs to be.
3. THEY'LL SCREW UP RAVUS. Really, I think they will, because in the book, Ravus is supposed to be a hideous troll (personally, I can't see him as that bad, considering that he's so sweet and stuff as the book goes on and he kicks all the sparklepires behinds). However, I doubt that they'll see this as an important aspect of the story, and make him pretty to look at to compete with all the sparklepires and other pretty things (even when ugliness and monsters are a BIG part of the theme), BUT I bet you a million dollars that they'll still keep the, "Look at me! I'm a hideous monster!" mentality that he has, much like how Bella thinks that she's so plain next to big, sparkly (stonedcough) Edward Cullen, when only EVERYBODY IN THE WHOLE SCHOOL SAYS THAT SHE'S HOT! They'll probably also get his horns, fingers, and height wrong, too. They'll probably just put that Jacob Black kid back in his black wig and paint him green. *dies and knocks on wood*
4. The music will tank. It's MTV. When was the last time they had any decent music on? Me and artsy redhead were looking forward to some kind of celtic music to follow the mood of the story, but now that MTV has it, SO LONG, BUDDY! I'LL PUT YOU IN AN AMV LATER! Now we have to sit through an hour and a half of rap and shitty pop that will make us cringe and die all the way through it. Like I said though, I'll make some music videos with Enya and Heather Dale songs in it when it comes out on DVD or blu-ray or whatever they're selling at the time.
On the other side though, apparently they've been working on this since 2005, but they haven't released any information about anything yet, so I don't know if they've given up, pushed it to the side, are busy with the technicalities, etc, although the sources do look reliable that they're going through with this (e.g. Holly Black was talking about it). Also, Paramount is distributing it, and whether or not that's to save MTV's own ass if it tanks, or not, I don't know. And Holly is also keeping ties with this project, and she's worked with Paramount before on Spiderwick, so there's a slim, SLIM chance that this will be good. Either way, me and artsy redhead friend are cosplaying at the theatre when it comes out.
Also, me and Artsy Redhead are maybe going to interview Holly Black for SYR, we've already asked the Boss (in big capital letters) found a mailing address, and are going to ship our books down to be signed, crossing our fingers that we get them back and that she doesn't put an R in my last name. If we do get an interview with her, I don't care what else we say, but I want to tell her straight-out that "I love the troll."
So My VCR Is Back to Normal
Psychotic
So we all sit together, and I got all giddy and happy inside and was smiles for a good 75 minutes. Also, on the seating plan, the teacher wanted us to write our names down the way we wanted to be called, so I wrote down my name, then wrote, "AKA, Queen Everlasting Know-It-All Genius of Everything". Steamboat almost fell off his chair laughing when he saw that. Then when the teacher called on me, he looked at the seating plan and said, "And it looks like there's a story with this," so both me and Steamboat were giggling like crazy. Then me, AR and Steamboat talked about cartoons a good part of it after the teacher was done talking about his evil treadmill.
